Bummer

Went back to the surgeon's office today to get the steri-strips taken off my incision. Apparently I got it wet, or keeping it covered made it too moist, because the skin layer hasn't healed all the way yet. She said it looked good except for the outer layer, so I have to put Bacitracin on it twice a day and either leave it open or if I wear a sock I can put a gauze pad over it (held in place by the sock). Right now I'm wearing socks - its cold, and the hem of my pants was rubbing it.

It's cold and rainy and gray and matches my mood, I'm afraid. The incision is tender, probably because she broke the scab, and I'm feeling very sorry for myself. I'm tired of being "broken". I want to be able to do all the things I need/want to do, and right now I feel like I can't. And this is just the biopsy site, we haven't even gotten the results yet! Oh, yeah, there's a reason we mutilated my leg.

I don't know if I'm going to get presents out to family before Christmas - I bought them, but have not wrapped let alone shipped anything. I know, they'll understand and its hardly the first time, but I really want to get done on time. For once. And I need to clean up at least some because family is coming, and I'd like to bake cookies (another cookie exchange on Sunday, now), and the tree still has no ornaments.

Bleah. I know at least half my mood is the weather - I guess it's a good thing I don't live in Seattle, eh?

Well...

Should be an interesting week. I get to call and change my appointment with my Dr. My cholesterol results were high so they want to see me to talk about my results. I don't know what they are yet as they didn't say in the message they left. To top it off they keep leaving messages on the phone I've asked them not to leave messages on and never approved for messages. Rather annoying.

I've had higher cholesterol since getting married. I know I've also gained weight since marriage as I cook every night and eat full meals, vs when I was single I would sometimes have peanut butter and crackers and call it good. More fun to cook for two, but there are some drawbacks.

Hope everyone has a better week then it sounds like it was last week.

On the upswing

I'm really hoping that no more bad things happen, for at least a few days. It's been a really rough week. My leg, my teeth, my poor cat... that's three, right? I'm done for a while?

I'm actually feeling pretty good despite everything, and I've realized I've lost 12 lbs. since May without doing a whole lot on purpose. I'm trying to choose healthier foods and be mindful of when I'm eating for hunger vs. eating emotionally. I don't necessarily NOT eat just for therapy, but I'm trying to be aware of it and realize that's a choice I'm making.

Exercise is going to be a while away, I think. Walking isn't too bad, but when I step wrong it's like little electric shocks radiating into my foot. The incision doesn't hurt much, it's the nerve pain from the severed nerve that's getting me. Even pushing on the wrong place on my leg will trigger it. John was poking around trying to figure out where the numb patch is and hit a spot that just lit me up, and it wasn't particularly near the incision. The nurse says that will improve with time, but it's wierd now.

So today I let myself eat what I wanted (fish and chips for lunch, golden fried goodness!), but I also walked around the mall for quite a while and took the stairs between levels twice. If I can keep making the better choices most of the time, maybe I can make progress.

Progress

Yesterday I bought a new water bottle. I also finished off the last of the Coke so there is no more soda in the house that I am willing to drink (Jim and I have discrete tastes in soda for the most part).
I also found the address list finally. I knew it was somewhere in the RV and not just on the hard drive that is under the bed. So now I can actually get our Christmas letter out. I am also just about done shopping (the boys have been troopers).

I might have even managed to get a serving of fruits this morning as Andy was being "Mr. Host" and shoved a huge chunk of banana in my mouth before I could object. He told me "momma needs this."

Inspiring Article

Inspiring in the "every little bit helps" sense.

"Fitness trumps fatness"
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071204/hl_nm/fitness_longevity_dc;_ylt=AuXTgmbT_QPRu1DH0pd5lwta24cA

Opps

SO I was doing great with my new water bottle... all 3 days I used it...and then it appears that I accidently managed to throw it away on Friday (long story). So at least it turns out that Jim bought it off the clearance table and it was only $2.
Now I just need to get my mind wrapped around everything I need to do which I can't seem to remember even long enough to get it written down. I am making progress even if a little inefficiently.

2 down, ? to go...

Ok, I'm through the root canal also. Gotta admit, i think I've had cavities that were more unpleasant (ok, could be that he gave me nitrous). I'm currently numb, including half my tongue, which is a little wierd. But I've got uberMotrin, which I will take with lunch when I can eat without hurting myself.

Have I been eating well, exercising, taking care of myself? No, no, and sort of. It's really hard to exercise at the moment, although my ankle is healing up nicely I think. Still sort of limiting my mobility. And it's really REALLY hard to be eating well right now - especially since I'm feeling sorry for myself. But all of these medical things are part of taking care of myself, so I am trying to be reasonable about portions and not beat myself up when I'm not.

Next week, I have a follow-up with the surgeon's nurse (just to inspect the wound), the results from my rheumatologist, and currently have the crown scheduled for Friday. Somewhere I have to actually do the Christmas shopping for which I've had the good idea, and I'm desperate to get cards out this year - we've missed two years, now, and I hate it.